Something to remember

"Im here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again , go ahead and take it - I will love you through that , as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you could ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will STILL protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me"



I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.


Quoted by GOD. (In the book EAT PRAY LOVE)




I must of re read that quote over and over again, more times than I care to remember. Sometimes I just open it up to that page (p.57) and just read that part.


Everlasting love, eternal love, totally abstract. It's weird because even though times are hard right now - I know I'm loved.

This is not revenge - this is karma

I think of you and it makes me feel physically sick
I walk past your house, I wanna smash your windows in with a brick
Your vulgar, vile, a venomous snake
I think about what you've done, but what I dont feel is hate
For hating you would mean I feel something for you
You mean nothing to me, zero, nil - we're threw.

How dare you even look me in the eye
F--k off you slag, go prey on someother guy
How dare you comfort me in my time of need
Keeping it quiet, you really thought you would succeed
Succeed to fool everyone, to make us look like a joke?
You deary are the villan and we're the victims who's lives you broke

Your an embarrasement for everyone to see, an actual disgrace
Sometimes I take pity and think you cant help it, but its written all over your face
You know exactly what you've done, your not sorry, your a liar
Creatures like you, pathetic beings, desperate beggars, they never tire
Selfish. Cruel. Delusional. Digging their claws in so deep
I wonder how you can live with yourself, how at night you manage to sleep


Acid burns, cuts leaves scars, drugs make us question our sanity
Well I've been burnt, I've been scarred, my mind is far from seeing clarity
You didn't do this to me, no you couldn't even if you tried
Im stronger than I've ever been, even though a piece of me has died
I don't forgive you, I can't, I won't - But theres one thing I want you to know
In life I know I will be a success, but for you "My Friend" there's nowhere to go.

I'm a great believer in karma - what goes around, come's around ever heard of that
Like a shadow, it will creep up on you and when it does...

Christmas 2011

December 25th, Christmas day.

A day which usually I count down the days to, where I get an excited feeling in the pit of my stomach, a day I know I will spend with all my loved ones.

This year was different.

2011 had brought to me a whole new variety of life changing experiences. Some good, some not so. Knowing that this christmas would mean some of my loved ones or rather one of my loved ones not being there was killing me. I look back on all my previous christmas's and not ever could I imagine them not being there, so this year was going to hit me hard.

However, it did turn out they did make an appearance but it was just not the same. Forgiveness is a funny thing. The good book says's one should "forgive and forget". But what if you cant forgive? What if you cant forget? What if someone crosses that line, the line where you no longer can trust them and loose all respect for them?

It's hard.

I love them, my god I love them very much. Christmas connotes love, joyfullness, family. So with the feeling of christmas lingering in the air, it was hard to stay angry at a certain someone. But now christmas is coming to an end... what now? How am I suppose to feel?

New years is ahead, a new year a new start. Let's hope 2012 will bring more postive news rather than the pain and hurt 2011 brought. I'm not sayin this whole year has all been doom and gloom. Starting University has been AMAZING. Would recommend anyone to go to Uni even with the rise of student fee's. Also the fact my brother and his fiance having a beautiful baby girl Francine - so now I'm proud Aunty Imogen. Then of course there experience of going to see Rihanna live :D She was soooooo gooood! Was not expecting her to be as good as she was. Rather raunchy though;)Not forgetting to mention I was an extra in the up and coming new Brad Pitt film "World War Z" - that was just the BEST experience. Early mornings, longs days and plenty of waiting around; the first day I did it I remember saying to my Mum I dont think I could do another day. But I did, and met some amazing people through it - plenty of interesting individuals with whom I still keep in contact with.


Even though I know this may not be read by many or even anyone at all, but I shall end this post with a question...

Should a person forgive and forget? Or is it just easier to forgive and forget?

Go Gaga over Gaga's new music video "Marry the night"

Lady Gaga, an inspiration to many and inspiration to myself.


Her album "Born this way" sold 1.108 million copies in its first week – the largest first week album sales in five years. All of the songs on the album are creatively put together with careful thought and meaning. Unlike many artists now, Gaga consistly writes her own material and has much input in what goes into her music and how it is presented. One cannot question her passion and love for music and appreciation for her fans which she calls "Little monsters."

Personally, I cannot say I dislike any of the songs on the Born this way album. It's the type of album which you can just sit and listen to without constantly having to change song. I particularly enjoy the songs "Born this way " "Judas" "Hair" "Schiebe" "Bad kids" "You and I" "The edge of glory" and "Marry the night". All of these have really spoken to me for example, "Born this way" expresses that you must love yourself and others and not be afraid of who you are and of your identity. One of my insecurities is that I care too much of what others think of me. This song reassures me that infact, we are all the same and shouldn't get hung up on insecurites like mine for example. J'adore the song "Hair" which connotes the message of being free and being able to express yourself . This song means alot to me, and really shows the importance of owning your idenity and not being held back by restrictions.

Her latest single "Marry the night" from the album Born this way is proving to be another success. In addition her music video for the song is a long and dramatic 13 minutes - Gaga says “It’s chaotic and sad. But I don’t want it to be safe. It has to be humiliating.”

The first 8 and a half minutes of the video is a mixture of girl interrupted meets black swan. It's indepth pyschological ambiance is meant to portray the day that Gaga was dropped from her first record label, Island Def Jam. "It was one of the worst days of my life and it happened quite quickly, but in my mind, when I think back on that period of my life, it all happened very slow," Gaga explains.

Known for her unqiue music video's, Marry the night has certainly pushed surrealism and delusion to the extremes. “As an artist, I think delusion is the greatest gift that you can bear.How much can you get away with? How delusional can I really be? The opening of the video starts off very linear, and becomes more and more surreal and delusional…until the music begins…."

There are a multiple scenes where Gaga is naked, Gaga explains " "Well, I was naked in real life when it happened," referring to the moment she found out she'd been dropped. "That's probably the most honest moment in that video of everything I've ever done. My directorial decision was for them to just f---ing roll the cameras, because I couldn't go in and out of the moment. I wonder if I will actually release that scene in its entirety — it's about 30 minutes long."

A scene from the video where gaga has an emotional break down is described by the lady herself as an "'Honest Moment." After feeling destraught over being dropped by her first record label, Gaga never gave up until she became a successful popstar. Now she is one of the world's most well known female super stars. She says ""If you give up after something like that, you were never destined to be an entertainer."

One of my many favourite parts is at 0.45 - 1.22 in the music video. I dont exactly know why, I think it's her way of thinking and the way she speaks it's mezmerising. Underneath the somewhat dark beginning of the video, there is the underlying factor of humor added in.

Her honesty and her passion for what she believes in is just a huge inspiration. Her raw talent puts people who just get fame handed to them for example contestants from the talent show " X Factor" to shame. Her music, her style, her videos, her presence is just enchanting and admirable. I've had "Marry the night" on repeat for weeks now and can see that the video, the song and its lyrics really relate to the artists story. Why I think Lady Gaga has such an immense and ever growing fan base is because shes honest, honest about herself, honest about her music. She's brave and fearless with a hint of pyschotic mixed together.

First semester at UCA

So I survived my first semester at Uni.

There were times when I had thoughts about packing up and going home, sticking my middle finger up to education and live the easy life. But there was also times where I thought I had finally found somewhere that I can truely be myself, leave the old me behind and re make myself into the person who I always aspired to be like, also grab myself a degree whilst I'm there.

All in all, I've thoroughly enjoyed my time at UCA. The Uni itself is superb. I cannot complain about the course - apart from getting up for friday's lecture at 9 AM. It's clean, easy on the eyes and a safe environment to live in. However, it's the drama's at Uni which I find difficult to cope with. I hold my hands up, I am a drama queen and somehow drama seems to follow my every movement like a shadow. I got to admit, I do like some drama. But sometimes, I feel I'm in the set of Eastender's or something - always a new argument, someone new to hate. This is only recently though. The first half of the semester ran smoothly - well apart from a few minor hiccups.

The best thing about Uni is probably the friends I've made or should I say my "Farnham family". They are amazing. Infact, I have two families at Uni which I suppose makes me a very lucky person!

My "top huns"...

We've had our ups and downs, some more than others ( put it this way - fire meets fire!) But I dont think my Uni experience would of been the same without them. They say at Uni you make your true life long friends and I hope this is true as I couldn't imagine my life without these people. As individuals they are strong, intriguing, magnificant characters and each one has fascinating qualities.


My other family are my precious flat mates...

These lovely people are just divine. Loyal, funny, kind hearted friends who have seen probably everyside of me. Because I live with them, they have seen me when I've been happy, sad, angry, flirty:S and most horrifying of all witnessed me with no make up on :O. Over the semester we have become close and shared some great times together. I cannot stress how easy they are to be around which is like a breath of fresh air - I can honestly say I can be 100% myself around them at all times. It's going to be hard to say goodbye to them in the second year when we have to move out of halls. But I'm sure I will see them ALOT! I will make sure of it.


Both families have shaped my time here at Uni and made my first semester an enjoyable experience. Drunken nights and sober nights with both groups have been the best nights EVER.


Being away from my actual family back home was a challenge. Leaving my Mum was hard, but thank god for Skype! Now it feels like I never left. I'm home for Christmas now after finishing and handing in my assignments a week early :) My brother's baby is looking like it's due any day so I'm glad I will be home for that. Cannot wait to be "Aunty Imogen" :)


Alot of stuff happened during the last half of my semester at Uni - and without support from my "Farnham family" and my family from home, I don't think I would of been able to handle getting anything done. I love them all so much!


Im excited to see what next semester has to bring and what drama's will emerge....

Here's a little preview of my first semester at UCA

After questioning the pro's and con's of the megabus, I recently came to the conclusion that in actual fact, I agree that the megabus is designed specifically for a means on travel not for comfort. Last week I blogged about my trip down to Newquay which was a slow long trip but got me there safely without any hassle. However, I did not have the time to blog back as I was only back at University for one day before I whisked off the Northern territory that is Bradford/Leeds and Hartlepool.

My returning trip back to London was a much quicker trip I felt, I dont know whether it was because I slept through the majority of it as the coach left Newquay at 6.15 AM!! Not good if you struggle with mornings like myself. Saying goodbye to everyone wasn't as hard as I thought as a result, I left the coach dry eyed without worrying whether or not my mascara had smudged down my face. This time I had no other passenger sitting next to me so I managed to score myself some extra leg room. I did however over hear a whole conversation being shouted down a women's mobile. She sounded Italian but I wasn't sure. I couldn't work out exactly what she was saying but whatever the issue was - she was not best pleased. Expressing her opinions by using her hands like a true Italian, she kept hitting the back of my chair with her frantic hand gesturing.

The only thing keeping me sane at the moment

Mega fuss over the Mega bus

Dont do it! 

Megabus - Oh that's a killer.

Ouch and how long does that take?

These are few of the many comments I recieved after purchasing a mega bus ticket for my journey down to my home town Newquay. Being a mega bus "virgin" I was curious to why people reacted this way, I mean surely with the prices being so cheap what can you expect. The mega bus is purely for cheap travelling rather than providing customers with comfort. If mega bus is really this bad - then why is it so popular?

Surprisingly, the 7 hour journey from London to Newquay wasn't as gruelling as I anticipated. The coach left Victoria coach station at precisely 5 o clock, unfortunately I arrived 5 minutes before the coach was due to leave and they do ask to be there 15 minutes prior. Consquences were the coach only had limited seats left and I got landed sitting on the aisle side. My brothers finance warned me about this, after her journey from Newquay to Bradford - her only advice was make sure you sit in the window seat. Damn. 

An hour in, and what felt like forever we hadn't even made it out of London. The traffic was a nightmare, well what could you expect 5 o clock on a Friday - not a wise choice. I think one of the many wonders of the mega bus is your fellow travellers. You make either one or two gestures - talk away happily to the person next to you, plug in your ipod/mp3 player or read a book/magazine. In my case, I took the first option and chatted away to the gentleman next to me. It's funny thinking about the amount of people on the coach and which destination they are going to or the reasons behind there journey. For example, the guy I sat next to, his reasons for travelling was to meet a girl who he'd been talking to online for 3 weeks. A pretty risky move I think. I thought to myself, what could be possibly running through his mind right now? Would she turn up? Would she be the same person I thought she was? Will she even like me? Well, thats what I assumed. I frequently asked him if he was nervous (probably making him more nervous) and he just answered yes but kept re assurring himself everything was going to be ok. Goodluck to him! After only 3 weeks of internet banter he has a lot of guts to meet this mystery person in the flesh and at quite a distance. His journey consisted of 5 long hours next to me questioning him about this internet love affair and if he really believes that a person could find love over the internet - something I'm skeptic about.

Four hours in, one bottle of sprite finished. The dreaded horror of using train or coach toliet facilities. My immediate thought was to wait til the coach stopped at Exeter for a 10 minute break. Finally, got to Exeter - by this point im literally bursting to go. Ran the fastest my short legs could possibly take me only to find the Ladies toliets were locked and bolted shut. There was no other choice, I had to use the coach toliet. Even the thought of it still makes me cringe. It appears a few people had experienced the same distraught as me as there was a queue. Everytime the toliet door opened a waft of what I could only describe as "pure evilness" travelled through the coach making me retch a few times. So after retching and holding on to my bladder for dear god it was my turn to go. No matter where you are, who you are, how much your busting to go - women know the rule always to hover. The smell was disgusting, the door wouldnt close properly and the toliet was dirty. What a site, trying to hold my nose, hold the door shut and hover at the same time was definitly not a highlight of my journey. On top of that - the lights went out. As a result I had to do all that multi tasking in pitch black. 

After that experience, the next stop was a place which I was familiar with -Plymouth. This was also the last stop for my gentleman friend where he'd meet his mystery woman. I tried to keep my eyes peeled to see if I could catch a glimpse but as I was sitting in the passenger seat I could not see a thing.

Tip : Always get the window seat - more room, easier to sleep and a better view for spying.

A smile spread across my face, as I knew the next stop would be the end of the road for me. Crossing the Taymar Bridge and seeing the Welcome to Cornwall sign made me realise how much I missed home. I couldn't wait to see my mum as she had no idea that I was comming down. I made the journey for her - just to see her face when I walked through the door - I couldn't wait! Why is it what ever you do or wherever you go, the last bit of time always drags. My eyes were fixed on the clock watching every moment. I recapped my time on the mega bus; the journey itself wasn't as bad as what I had prepared myself for however, it doesnt compare to the speed of a plane or accessibilty of a train. Although, I was content with my journey and the price I had payed therefore had no reasons to complain. 

Midnight - the exact time it was scheduled to be in Newquay. Finally here, finally home. Stepping off the coach I can already smell the sea air. To sum up my views on mega bus would be in three words: Slow, cheap and has to be slow again. It got me from A to B therefore I'm happy. Now all I have to look forward to is the coach trip home on Wednesday. But then, the issues lie with trailing all my luggage from London victoria coach station to London waterloo train station. Not an easy or fun job especially after the mind state I will be in due to the long trip. 

In conclusion - I honestly don't see the mega fuss over the mega bus.